Welcome To You Make Me Feel So Bad Module
MODULE 2: You Make Me Feel So Bad
Bad Feelings And Unmet Expectations
In this module, the sections outline the most common problem areas in relationships, namely unmet expectations and blame, unresolved hurts and feelings of anger (or withdrawal) because of things your partner says or does. The common theme in all these sections is, “This is how you make me feel” or “You make me feel so bad”.
Unhappy people remain unhappy because they believe that someone else makes them feel like that, and they wait for that someone else to do something different so they can feel better. This seldom happens. So no wonder this is a big problem area – you have negative feelings, and are blaming your partner for feeling like this. Of course you want your partner to change.
In Module 1 you learned that you and only you experience your feelings, and you and only you can change them. This is not to say that someone else’s behavior does not IMPACT on your feelings. Of course it does, especially if your emotional style is different to your partner’s. Your partner’s anger may result in you shutting down. Your shutting down may result in your partner feeling confused or ignored. It is a good idea to know about emotional styles.
Our bad feelings are often due to our own unmet expectations. You may feel upset when your partner speaks to you rudely or in an irritated tone because in your mind, this ‘should’ not occur, especially when your partner says he/she loves you. Or you become annoyed when your partner does not volunteer to help you with the chores without you having to ask, because you would expect your partner to observe that you are tired and in need of a hand. It is possible to change the way you feel simply by changing your expectation. But that is only one strategy. Read this module to learn more.
How Do You Deal With Your Emotions?
In this module we outline the most common problem areas in relationships, namely:
The common thread of this module is “this is how you make me feel”.
Unhappy people remain unhappy because they believe that someone else makes them feel that way. And they wait for someone else to do something different, which seldom happens.
So no wonder this is the problem area – you have negative feelings and are blaming your partner for feeling like this. And you want your partner to change!
In the first module, Identify the Power In You, you learned that you and only you experiences your feelings – and you and only you can change them. You DO have the ability to change yourself, but NOT anyone else.
Identifying the reason you have negative feelings is a significant step forward. This necessarily begins the process of change in your relationship – and how wonderful it will be if your partner is doing this change at the same time!
Emotional Awareness Means Owning And Taking Responsibility For Your Actions
The human body gets its primary energy from burning sugar. You get your energy from taking care of your body well—not perfectly. In fact, you only need to eat, sleep, and exercise “well enough” for your body to give you all the information you will ever need through your feelings.
Feelings are “energy surges” that tell you what you need or want—food, water, safety, love, esteem, respect, understanding. When you notice these feelings, you usually have enough energy to handle the need or want they are telling you about.
For example, when you feel hunger you have the energy to get up and make something to eat. But sometimes the need for sleep overrides the feeling of hunger.
Your appraisal of your thoughts produces physical manifestations that you have learned to call feelings. Feeling plus thought is experienced in the body as emotion. Emotions signal a level of need. The emotional states of anger, fear, sadness, surprise, enjoyment and disgust originate in your mind.
We know that emotions can create chemical imbalances and actual toxins that cause deterioration of your body or lead to illness and pain. Pain lets you know you’re alive. The way to cure the illness that you have created for yourself—the way to manage emotional pain—is to develop emotional awareness.
1. Action Plan: Download, print out and tick off as you go.
2. Blueprint: Download and print out your Mate Type Action Plan to create a Joint Venture with your partner and get started on Romancing Your Soulmate..
3. Worksheets: Download, print out and do each exercise in order
4. Facebook Group: This module works really well if you have a buddy to help you. Having a completely new set of eyes will help you discover things you had taken for granted. You may even create a small group to work together. The Facebook group is perfect for this.
Discover how your emotional style impacts on your feelings . . .